9:43am--I opened my eyes and FREAKED out. I had a one-on-one conference with my English teacher that I really needed to be at in two minutes. I was delusional. Throwing on pants and putting my contacts in I ran to Emily's and knocked on here apartment, hoping Alex would be able to drop me off because I had absolutely no time. Running or riding my bike was out of the question. I knocked and knocked. It was really cold. Finally, Emily opened the door and ran straight back to bed. Alex was in the shower. I had to coax Emily out of bed begging with a voice that I thought could start crying with stress. My bed hair wasn't too bad, but my face was so bland with no makeup on whatsoever. Emily took Alex's keys and we headed to the JKB building.
I thought I knew where my teachers office was but I found out I didn't after I kept running around the fourth floor. My conference was suppose to end at 10 and I had five minutes to find my teacher. Finally, I found her. Breathing heavily and with as much forgiveness I could muster I explained everything and let her take over. We rescheduled, and I got my paper. As I walked downstairs and past my locker I heard a teacher mention that it was SNOWING!! He made some comment about how people from Nevada and California better watch out. I realized that I didn't have a coat and I was wearing flip flops. It was going to be a long cold walk home in the first snowfall of the semester. That's when I began crying.
I really haven't cried in at least several months, maybe a year. I mean a real cry. You know, the ones that girls have to release all their emotions when life may become difficult. I was just so disappointed in myself--about sleeping in. I never ever have slept through a class and of all days to be a class where it was just ME and the TEACHER! I really hope Christie doesn't dock my grade. I was also really disappointed because I didn't think I stayed up to late last night. I even read my scriptures and wrote in my journal for the first time in ages! What a blessing--I knew i needed to pray but I couldn't muster any thanks. I was mad. Finally, I said that I was grateful for the clothes that I did have on even if they were thin. Oh, and my fingers were turning a stiff red.
I suddenly got really homesick for my dad. I love him. He has this surprisingly amazing way about him when I am stressed. His, "Everything's going to be alright, puddinghead. You just stop crying now" with his strong southern drawl makes me feel immediate comfort. When I can't keep control of my emotions I want to hear him. He alway's says the wrong things and with that, it makes me happy. He would have told me about the doe he killed last night and how he skinned it. It would have calmed me down. So I left a message on his cell with tears in my voice (i didn't mean for that to happen either).
When I finally got to Wyview, I walked straight to Emily's apartment (the 3rd best person after my dad since john was at work). I walked straight into her room and layed on my stomach and tried to stop crying. But for some reason the heaven's opened and I was a flood of tears. Alex came over and rubbed my back forever and we were all silent until I was ready to start talking. I love Alex and Emily. They knew exactly what to do and were the reason my day turned out great. Emily came on the bed with me after that and said that I got the worst part of the day over with. I was determined to make sure she was right. We ate breakfast and watched an amazing forum from someone who has made a difference in his life. At one point he mentioned stories about kids who have made a difference in their life by saving up money to support other children around the world who need things. They were great stories and touching because he had a picture of them and knew their name and personal story. My dad called and left a message.
Before my BOM class, I got the chance to play the piano in the Wyview building. It was the first time I have been able to let my fingers run across the keys since I have been gone from home. I am so grateful for my musical ability to play the piano. I played hymns and then some of my favorite piano pieces. Although I was rusty, music was still able to change me. Allowing me to focus on making something beautiful (not perfect) does something to me. It's difficult to explain. I said a prayer and felt wonderful. Then I went to my favorite class (BOM) and learned wonderful insightful things. I thought I should write it down in case I need to tell myself this in a few years or my future husband.
My teacher told a story about someone who talked to an apostle about his future career. E. Widstoe told this man that if he didn't know happiness in his career then he wouldn't know happiness at all. That's how important it is to find the right career. He said that you can find the correct career if you meet all of these qualifications:
1)Find something you are GOOD at
2)Find something that you LOVE
3)Find something that the world NEEDS
Band was freezing and my day pretty much was summed up after that. I did some family history indexing and fell asleep watching Anne of Green Gables. I know that although I started out on a rough day in the snow, i still was able to see some spring blossoms. I felt the love of my Savior when I prayed about working harder at becoming closer to Christ. I know that everything I have been given (my home, education, friends, family, testimony, faith, and talents) has been through and because of Jesus Christ. How blessed I am to have the Atonement to have the desires to want to serve my Father in Heaven and become a better daughter. To repent of my imperfect behavior and have chances over again to grow. I am grateful for the love I feel. I'll go where you want me to go dear Lord, because I need thee every hour. Come what may and love it!
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