The Good Days

I guess I am a bit weird, but I've always known that. So I miss early-morning Seminary today. Like reeaaaally bad. I never had a problem going to Seminary during High School. I loved it. The only mornings that I can really remember my Mom coming into my room to wake me up were the times my alarm didn't go off at all. Other than that, the last two years of going to Seminary at least, I remember getting up just fine. It feels so long ago, hearing the alarm go off at 5:00am, dropping to the knees and mumbling an incoherent prayer, zombie-ing it to the bathroom to turn on the bathroom fan/faded-light combo (which was always perfect for the mornings when you weren't ready to be blinded by normal light bulbs). Turning on the shower and putting the eye-balls in while letting the water warm-up and then jumping into the shower to be awoken. Some people claim showers put them to bed, but for me--that's when I pop awake and become alert. My mind is so clear in the mornings (only when I've hit 7 hours of sleep) and I'm just able to think. It was those quiet mornings, in the kitchen making some oatmeal or eating some Special K by myself that I became such a contemplative person. Then usually, stopping into my parent's room to wake them up to say family prayer before climbing into the van (by 5:55am). There was something so comforting and relaxing to me driving on the dark highways before the sun woke up, seeing another car every few minutes--maybe. Listening to my latest favorite Churchy song really REALLY loud on the radio, the way I like it. Then I would head down Housers Mill Road, pick up Titus and listen to him chat non-stop til we picked up Alex. Two of the most chattiest-Seminary kids in the class. Alex lived in Sis. Holbrook's huge sub-division; the poor girl use to scooter her way through quite a few others' backyards, driveways, with the her flute case and lunch box flailing in her arms while her wet hair would freeze into hard-ness. That's when I decided to start picking her up, haha--just the thought of it puts a smile on my face. For some reason I love the people that most people don't like to be around--Titus and Alex were definitely not the most popular kids in Seminary. Oh, the memories. But I knew how much it meant to them to feel needed and to participate. I loved walking into Sis. Holbrook's living room. It always reminded me of the temple--weird, I know. But the big picture of the Savior on one wall. Oh, and that owl photo; it was something else, truly. And the white/off-white match of colors between the walls, carpet, couches and base boards all gave it that "temple feel". Winter days were the best when I would grab my favorite rag-patch quilt of Sis. Holbrook's and wrap up inside of it and sit myself down by the fireplace that was on. I loved Sis. Holbrook's lessons. Loved is probably an understatement. She was so good! One of the best teachers that I've ever had, still. She had a way of teaching with the Spirit and love that inspired us. The class wasn't picture perfect, but we knew that what she taught she believed and lived. We warmed our hands by the fire of her faith. The Spirit she taught with lit a flame in me and always taught me to become. After her lessons I was so excited and happy for life. I tried to never leave Sis. Holbrook's house without a hug from her. [I just can't live without giving hugs and receiving them--or I begin to ache inside--all over and my 'tude from the attitude is definitely dependently related to the length of time I had last received a hug]. I remember driving Peter and Titus (the pookies) away from Seminary, watching the red sun rise on the flat horizon, listening to the same favorite Country songs that came on the radio at the same time every day, dancing to some T. Swizzle, and realizing just how blessed I was and how happy I was to just live.

Happy Centennial Birthday Seminary. I miss you.

Teenage Inventory

I can not believe today is my last day as a teenager! Seriously, I have been flipping out about this for the longest time--a week. But still. I guess I never really thought leaving the teenage years would be so monumental since I never focused on those who turned 20 who went before me (i.e. Jim and John). Especially since The Boys were on their missions. But for a girl! Twenty is quite the hefty number.

I never kissed a boy at 19! Whoot whoot :)

I met so many of my goals throughout my teenage years. I made it into BYU and I graduated from High School. From PEACH COUNTY HIGH SCHOOL. And have survived 2 years at BYU after attending PEACH CO. HIGH SCHOOL! Huge feats, I tell you, huge. :) And I got involved, made so many friends. Really developed a testimony. Figured out what I want to do with my life.

I can't believe how much has happened within the last 7 years. The Lord knew all. He knew that I needed to move to Georgia. He knew the people I needed to meet to influence and be influenced. He blessed me along the way by connecting my path to great friends from Washington.

Junior High was awful, yet spiritually developing. High School was challenging but the deepest growing spiritually-dependent growing experience, and the first two years of college were hard, yet independently rewarding.

I LOVE THESE TWO sooooooooooooo MUCH!

You may have had the wonderful opportunity (or lack of) to sit in the pew in front of my dad during Church. If you have, I feel for your ear drums. Luckily, my dad's lack of musical talent did not get passed down to his children. We all know how to sing on key and keep a note. Seriously though, one time when my Dad was in the Bishopric and sitting on the stand someone later told me they could pick out his voice in the mothers lounge when the Bishop had left the mike on during the closing prayer. I was mortified. The worst part is that he really thinks he's a GREAT singer. He'll be the first person to tell you that the Mormon Tabernacle Choir invites him to sing with them twice a year....during General Conference. What a joke!? He might not be the best vocally, but he does hold a hidden talent. One that not many people may know of. In fact, I bet my brothers aren't very familiar with it--fortunately, I am. When I at a tender young age would awake in the middle of the night, my father would rush into my room (maybe rush is too strong of a word, i still remember crying and crying just WAITING for someone to come). And he would tell me to turn over and lay on my tummy (which i would) and then he would open his mouth and sing songs to me, about me. In elementary school I later recognized that he stole the tunes from the Army and Air Force songs and was seriously offended that it was a "borrowed" tune. I found this video of him singing to Macey. Apparently, he will always sing to his "baby's". Enjoy my father's hidden talent :)

P.S. Locked my keys out of the truck for the 2nd time in my life....yea, i know

Full Circle

A couple of weeks ago I went to the bathroom after one of my classes. As I walked to the wall filled with sinks to wash my hands I looked quickly in the mirror and there sitting on the mirror was a little square sticky note that said something sweet and personal. I felt so loved! I'm sure many people saw the sticky note and went away feeling more hopeful and charitable. I love people and the good they do, the good that they somehow eminate for me to become better. I hope I can share that one day, full circle.

Soft Cries and Hard Cries

One day, I'll get married and have a family and be able to have a normal blog like all those family blogs that I love to stalk. But for now, this is me and my very personal-all-about-me-posts....

Its true. Of all girls, I promise it's healthy when appropriate. I began having regular soft cries when I turned 18 and entered Relief Society (so stereotypical i know). They come and go on good Sundays, which happens more regularly then not. Hard cries don't occur nearly as much. N.E.A.R.L.Y. I'm pretty sure the last hard, hard cry I had was Christmas 2009. Anyways, recently I blogged about some things that I learned and then kinda forgot about it (typical human being) and now I think I know why I learned what I did because other experiences came and then the epiphany which really hit me hard, right in the square of the eyes:

Seven days ago, I did the unthinkable (in my book). I let my anger flow out. Not trickle. Flow like a river, a dam, THE NIAGRA FALLS! Over a silly issue that at the time meant a lot to me. I was so furious at myself and furious at being furious (especially at the start of the week of THANKSgving) that I thought a lot of bad thoughts about myself, said a few, and even emailed them to my mom...haha...so pitiful, i know.) I finally shed some tears. Went to bed. Woke up late past my alarm sick, missed a very important-hated-class, looked out the window and seeing the snow shed more tears.

Somehow I ended up in the office of my therapist Evan (he's actually my boss.....AND a wonderful therapist). He takes good care of his employee's and knowing my lack of/hard-cry-phobia, he sat me down and does what he always does: question.after.question.after.question???????? which is why he is such an effective teacher.

By the end of the conversation and a trip to get some chocolate (which i had/got to share with everyone) I was feeling so great! Evan somehow helps us [my fellow co-workers/evan's other employees] get into a position where the Spirit is so welcome to teach you when you're in your most raw, most broken state possible. At the very end of our conversation he always asks,

"So Beckles?? What Did You Learn?"

1. I'm what you call an avoider. I avoid questions when I want too. And I'm pretty decent at it. I do have problems, but I mask them and push them out of my mind. But when life sucks and I have a hard cry, I unmask everything and pull every little thing possible out of the drawer and hash it out on myself=very.unhealthy.hard.hard.cry=becky.loses.the.spirit.=becky.wants.to.die.bc.she.then.feels.so.lonely.

2. You make things what you want them to be. E.g. It doesn't matter if I broke the shovel and keep blaming, blaming, blaming myself....you still have a broken shovel. (This lesson learned probably doesn't make that much sense to the normal person, i'm not normal...but i completely understand what i'm trying to say).

3. There's conflict between my thoughts and my heart. I know my parents love is unconditional, but for some awful reason i let my heart believe that its only performist-based depending on how i look, act. True story, although; I still do good things for other right reasons (this particular reason is just screwed).

4. Sometimes I believe that I'll only be judged by my works alone. I forget that I'll be judged by my "intents of my heart and works" and then I may be sufficient enough for God's grace.

5. Bottom line-I have always used the Atonement for big things, but not the small. Which is what everything leads down too. I have some emnity going on, separating me from God. I wanted to take care of the small things, I feel like I need too, and I always fail at the small things. And then I push them out (see #1). And then the cycle officially has started (see #1-#5). but no more...

you cannot be moved within and stand still without

Isn't this crazy? Who knew I could learn all this from seven days ago. Seven days ago when I realized that I would get my first C ever in a class.

Letters Written After Weeks of Nursery

Dear Darling Little Girl in the Plaid Dress,
You are so tiny and softspoken, I'm sorry when the big 2 1/2 year old boys come and take your toys. I'll never forget listening to your sweet little voice sing and watching you dance during music time.

Yours Truly,
Becky Rhoden


Dear Boy Who Shakes His Fists When Screaming At The Top of Your Lungs,
You are what my dad would call a biggin'. Chillax kiddo. I know you love your parents and want to be with them ALL the time, but give them a break. You climbed into my lap once and fell asleep. What wondeful peace we all had that Sunday. Go knock down some towers, you're good at that. I'm glad you stopped that biting habit.

Sincerely,
Becky Rhoden


Dear Girl With the Same Hair-do Every Week,
I love watching you play house. You go to the play kitchen, open the microwave, stick something inside and "hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" and then you say "beep beep" and get out whatever you just cooked. DO you realize that you're only 2? AND you have more motherly instinct in the kitchen than I do?? I admire you!

xoxo,
Becky Rhoden


Dear Blond, Happy, Dimple Newbie,
Everyone knows we favor each other. You're just too darn cute. And I like those parents you come from. You're always the first to give your toy away when someone's unhappy. AND you LOVE nursery with a passion. You're such a cute, good boy. Never change.

Love,
Becky Rhoden


Dear Smartest Kid in Nursery with Messy Hair,
I've figured you out! You may be small, but you are SOOOO smart! Keep manipulating the other adults. You ROCK!!

Regards,
Becky Rhoden


Dear Oldest Girl in Nursery,
You have quite the spunk. I like you! Everything you do reminds me of myself at 3. You can manipulate and try and play the system by getting what you want. You also like to be in control of your sister. But I love, love, love your tender sweet moments when you find your younger sister and make her smile or show her how a toy works. Or, when you find the newest little boy and make sure he's always included in the fun. You're a born leader. You convinced every kid today to climb under the table and 'hide'. Kodak moment!! I'll miss you!

Best,
Becky Rhoden


Dear Nursery Class,
All of you are special. Thanks for keeping me away from Sunday School and Relief Society this summer. I don't want to go back to a college ward where its much to quiet. My earliest memory is from nursery singing that Alligator song. We sing it every Sunday. I'll miss you.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO,
Becky Rhoden

Why can't I just receive speeding tickets or get into fender benders??

RIP BIG RED :'(

7:45am - Intersection on Highway 41/White Road. Green light. Heading through intersection. White Honda Accord. CrAsH, BaNg, CoLLiDe!!!

7:46am - Climb out, body shaking. Assist old lady in White Honda Accord. Call her husband. 100% in control.

7:47am - Bystander arrives and asks me one question. Only asking me. "Are YOU alright?" Tears. Find dad's bullets ALL over cab. Immediately freak and think that i'll get arrested when cops come. Stuffing all bullets into my purse before anyone shows up.

7:50am - Fireman arrive. See Kelsey pulled over on the road walking towards me. In her arms, bawling.

8:15am - Talk to cop. See mom. More tears. Watch old lady get put on stretcher. More tears.

8:30am - Watch big red get taken away.

10:30am - Realization hits that I'm a danger to society and my future family. Vow to move to Pennsylvania and only drive horse/buggy for the rest of my life with the Amish.

top ten memories from my wonderful weekend celebrating 7.4.10.

1. Spontaneous trip to visit amazing-beautiful-MMSYO flautist-friends at USF, University of South Florida.

2. Wonderful pictures of the beach that won't load where i swam, played soccer, ultimate, built sand-castles with 9 year-old friend from minnesota.

3. Chilling with native Puerto Ricans and eating amazing food!

4. Of course, having yet ANOTHER becky-stupid-irresponsible-car moment [killing car battery]

5. Pillow talk.

6. Drinking Coke [which i NEVER, EVER, EVER DO]

7. Celebrating bdays:)which includes: good food, movie hopping

8. Bearing a patriotic testimony in random ward in Sacrament Meeting AND getting blessed by a Priest at Catholic Mass.

9. Sparklers in the hot tub!!!

10. AMAZING QUOTES; all said with good intentions. i promise. multiple meanings.
"I read the entire Bible when I was younger..............because I was bored."
"There's a flat tire on the mellons!"
"Do you not feel me? Do you not feeeeeeeeeeeeeel me?"
"My dad wants to marry me."
"She wet my bed."
"Oh, I'll be scared..........and giddy."
"So all you can do is hug, kiss, and hold hands?".....new person, "Well, what else is there?"

BIG RED

i get attached to things, people, places. you enter my life and give me something i need and BAM, you're in my heart. friends, beautiful sunsets, mountains, family members or whether its my baby blanket, bed, sheets, dog, or my all-time favorite truck we've ever owned: BIG RED.



I forgot how much i love this 1991 ford 150. cab bucket seats. sticky gear shift. broken clock/radio thing-i never can tell what the time is or what station im listening too. its the first car i drove (at 13in the church parking lot). i love the radio. and how many times i have left the lights on and killed the battery. or how i can do so many cool magic tricks with it;)

i was admiring big red before i began mowing the lawn. i don't detest this, but i have issues. oh the things we do for love (like mowing the lawn for our fathers)

if you don't get the drift, here's a better picture with more grass in that will be cut shortly, after my quick water break:)

the GRANDS

going on 58 years!!! mmm, baby. aren't they just...huggable? i absolutely adored staying with them for a week. fun stories are coming! now you know where i get my wonderful eyesight from:)sorry about the glare from their glasses. i learned so much from my grandparents who i don't get to see very often. i grew from their love. and unfortunately got sick while visiting them:(. but i did accomplish a lot! they love each other dearly. this is at the sacremento temple where they worked as temple workers. their example has made me now desire to be a temple worker one day with my old wrinkly husband:)

why is the best always saved for last?

Will the best always be saved for last? It seems like everything kinda follows this unspoken rule about life. Just think back to being a child and hearing your parents tell you that you can't have dessert until you've finished everything. I mean, I hear all the time from lots of grown ups that marriage gets better after every year (its mama&poppa watts anniversary). And eternal life is suppose to be the best and its saved for last. I can seriously keep going with these examples. In my case, my favorite memories from EFY would always be from the last couple of days-right when we are about to leave. Which leads me to this blog. Life has really been amazing. I love my freshman year, my ward, and my friends that I have made. I have done so much the last few weeks with friends! Besides being a psycho-study-aholic most of the time, here are a few pictures from one amazing night after our Saturday night Session of Stake Conference:
Spending time with my favorite cousin(and roommate!). :)

watching a movie outside with friends.








Going to Denny's after the Saturday Night session of stake conference with some of my best friends. Where we connected a bunch of straws and had fun with a ginormous communal straw:)no worries mom-none of us had mono...













Ye, my meal was great!! And while I was gone with Bales picking up Mike from work, my wonderful friends decided to put Tabasco sauce ALL over my sandwhich. Fortunately, I didn't notice and ate the whole thing.



Haha...so we had a syrup shot contest with the boys that got pancakes!! Oh how I love Mormons.

At Denny's there is an all-you-can-eat pancake meal. The record before we got to Denny's was only 6 HUGE pankcakes. Some boys decided to take the challenge and beat the record. We were all so proud of them! :) So was the manager, who was very nice and visited our table often to talk:)

eight years

This was a letter i left on emily's blog for her birthday in October. I realized earlier today that I wanted to keep a copy of it. She has been my best friend for quite some time. :)




Dear Emily,

By now I am sure you have observed your room and some of the notes that Katie and I left up for you. I just wanted to do something special since you are special to me. Happy Birthday Emily! You have been one heck of a friend and I have never loved a friend as much as I love you. I know we're different--but I like it that way. You are a great friend and i love you.

After elementary school I was suppose to go to Narrows View but some things didn't work out and the school district let me pick between the two UP middle schools. I decided to go to Drum even though my heart was set on being with my elementary school friends and following after John (who went to Narrows View). I prayed all year that I would find a good LDS girl who would be my best friend. Then I met you. And now look at us. You are an answered prayer.

Remember in the fifth grade when we first got to know each other? I came home with you from Drum every Wednesday (i think) when my mom was in Europe. We were devastated when I moved out of Mrs. Lewis's (you know my memory, i hope i get this all right) class and I can remember pushing my desk all the way to the portable thinking we wouldn't be together anymore. You introduced me to Pride and Prejudice that year. I loved having someone like a sister around.

Then our Girls Camp adventures started. I specifically asked to have you be in my cabin. You woke me up that first night with a flashlight in my face asking me to go to the bathroom with you. Of course I went and we started traditions. From Cows to Lady Bugs, Washington to Utah, we had a blast. Pajama pants, stargazing, girl talk, and friendship bracelets all come to mind when I think of our years of Girls Camp together. My least favorite girls camp years would have to be every one of my Georgia ones. Can you guess why? I'll never forget being sad and almost depressed one year and you listened to me, then took me to a vacant picnic table, and we both kneeled and each said a prayer out loud. You gave me a hug and I cried. My week was a turning point from then on and I had some amazing experiences. You mean the world to me!

Seventh and Eighth grade rocked our socks! We thought our seventh grade year was great from hiding Blaine's saxophone to reading the same book on the portable patio. FUDGE. When I got cut from the volleyball team my eighth grade year I went straight home and would not cry in front of my family. I immediately called you on the phone and cried. Or the time when we went on a field trip and I had a dizzy headache and you took care of me. Once again, you were there for me. Do you remember our switch offs for lockers, from swimming stuff to books? Or how we passed notes in Powell? New Years Eve was a giggly fest. THE ORANGE BALL. Man, how excited we were for those first couple of dances (that were way lame) that we went to. 2b^2. Its funny that it's always me that becomes obsessed with boys.

I was beyond crushed when I found out for sure that I would be moving to Georgia. Finally, i had found a friend who I loved and I was heart broken! I cried cried myself to sleep for several nights. I remember praying for the determination to keep our friendship going and not to lose contact with you. We would practice talking on the phone (so you could get good at it), I would fill you in on all of my new friends, we would plan visits, and go to to EFY and girls camp every summer together. I was determined to always have one friend even if you were going to be 2000 miles away.

Our first EFY was a parting and began our EFY madness. Too many jokes, memories and boys! Toad and frog (???), Sean, David, Heath, Ben, Shane, Matt, Petey, and ..... We grew so much during those weeks! Remember how we always said a prayer together every morning and night? Just between the two of us. Tacoma #2 was out of this world but Georgia was pretty tite too.

I did move to Georgia and everything turned out all right. I made friends, but it was hard. I remember being sad in the way that I just never ever laughed. I fake 'laughed' about things that were not funny in Georgia at first. But I would talk to you on the phone and would have laughing attacks. No kidding how many hours we have spent on the phone together or just laughing with each other! It never once was awkward talking to you after a few months. We always picked up where we last were and filled each other in.

I loved my trips out to WA all by myself. I would be so giddy with excitement to see you at the airport! I even missed my first solo flight at Thanksgiving. My summers were beyond spectacular. Sure we got on each other nerves but, but I grew so much! I would be an only child in GA for 10 months and then fly out to your place and become a twin! It was amazing. I wish I could truly express how much I loved every minute of those trips. We read, watched, dated, talked, went to concerts, ate, and walked. Trek was great and I was there to help you kinda move. I loved your family reunion. In fact, I didn't want to go home one year. I just wanted to move with you to Utah and enroll at Timpview. But I'm glad I went home. You were there for me when I had my first break up. Slept with me and held my hand. I am who I am today because of you.

You could see how sad I would have been if I wasn't right back at your side for college. I fretted over not being at the same University with you and am so grateful that God knew what was best and that we are together once again here at BYU. So many memories. You understand me. Very well. I don't know who I would be like if I would have never prayed for a best friend and then treated you like one. I do know that I would be different. I love you. Happy Birthday dearest! Happy 8 years.

I love you!
Becky

These were taken from my high school summer's with emily. When her family was moving, we chillaxed in the bathroom because 1) we didn't want to get in the way of the packers and 2) the packers smelled really bad! Haha... so we enjoyed reading. I lucked out with the most comfortable spot...the bathtub! :)


Michael, is one of Emily's nephews! He is so smart and lovable! I will always love playing this cute little guy! We sure do love him<3