cars, toilets, and keys

I haven't blogged in a week! But there has been so much, A LOT: cars, toilets, headbands, keys, music, tacos, trips, and blue skies. I wish all of these could be individual blogs. Let's see--let me start on Tuesday:

I was standing on 2230 North and University. I was about to walk across a street when a van made a left turn. The light was just green, no arrow. Another car was zooming foward and BAM, CRASH. My stomach immediately twisted and stayed that way as I had flash backs from the sound of a crash, the horn of a car, my eyes were locked on the small car with the air bag out and driver doing his best to pull over next to me. Then I looked left and saw the van. Completely tipped over on the driver door. I freaked. Hung up on my dad and dialed 911. I began talking to the operator--seconds from when the crash happened. I answered all of her questions, panicked and frenzied. My southern accent slipped in completely: "yes mam", "no mam", i let her my number and name. I heard the ambulance and was on my way. I have never felt so bad for leaving. Remorse filled me as I made it to band on time. Who cares about band? That driver to the van may have needed me. I should have had closure. For all i know he was dead. I was too hard on myself. While I was playing my piccolo a sweet lesson came over me--from the Holy Ghost--no doubt. Earlier I prayed like a usually do for an opportunity to serve. But this time I mentioned how I have learned from my BOM professor that God just let's experiences happen. He has too. But sometimes he will intervene--or help out in a way. So if I prayed, knowing htat He loves His other children as much as He loves me. I prayed that I would be able to be an instrument in His hands to help someone. I think I was at the right time at the right place to help someone by calling the ambulance. Maybe I did make a difference.

Later that night Alex, Emily, and I went to a headband party and bought beautiful headbands that are ADORIBLE! I was in love. Sometime I will have to post some pictures. Not tonight though. Then Alex and I went to the Men and Women's Chorus. I love musicand its power. It was beautiful.

Wednesday I was sick and tired of everything that I happened. I needed a mental break. So I came home early! I ate lunch by myself and went running. It was beautiful!!! 70 degrees with a bright blue sky. I ran to Em's house and saw Tiff and Michael. I am so grateful Emily share's her family with me. She has no idea how much they mean to me. How much she does. I'm praying to learn how to treat those I love, like I love them. I always have put my friends on cloud nine. But maybe not when I joke around with them. I really do want to change. I hope I never hurt anyone by my complacency (i think that's the word...).

Thursday!!! hahaha.. one of my college days that made me think of high school! Guess what i did? I'm so dumb. I ACCIDENTALLY flushed my phone down the toilet in the JKB. It was a gonner! Flushed into the sewer and everything. Man, I laughed so hard. Everyone did. I don't know what it is with me, but things just happen. Why me? Maybe because I have a funny optimistic attitude? Who knows. Just know that my phone is gone. I got it all fixed--new sim card + old phone = new cell! I am grateful for everyone who still loves me despite my bad luck... ;)

Saturday the Band traveled to BOA to perform in St. George. It was a lot of fun. I am so amazed I'm in BYU's Band!! Gosh, I am the luckiest girl in the world. Music makes me so happy. There are wonderful people in the band--few creeper boys--but the creepers are always the premies...

Sunday after ward prayer I took Alex's keys to get into Em's apartment. Then I took Emily's to get into her apartment. What's wrong with me? Maybe my brain is defected and during the resurrection all of my woe's will be fixed. I ended up having to find an RA to get her door unlocked. WHEN it turned out Em's keys were in my apartment. Boy did I feel stupid! You would think I would be use to such common occurances in my life. But every day surprise's me.

Today was hard. I thought I would really have a mental break down. But when I was at the worst of it John just randomely called me to tell me he loved me. What a sweet kid, I know he was following the Spirit; but I wonder if he knows that. College is hard. It's hard finding my place and regime when I'm so used to having everything so______ at home. It gets better every prayer I say and every word I read from my scriptures.

That was my LONG week. I'm grateful I am alive and healthy and that I know that I am a daughter of God who does love me very much. :)

I HATE WORDS

I officially HATE words. I know, i know. My dad told me not to hate anything. It's midnight and i'm still at Em's editing my Rhetorical Analysis. I have already lost my patience so many times. I am just too dumb--I pretty much decided it's part of who I am. I can never come up with enough words or the right words or how to place those stupid words. I wish I was more like Emily. But since I'm not, I might as well be super grateful that she edits (so much) of my paper with me. I have never had a good English teacher and I'm probably breaking a thousand English rules but honestly, I don't give a care!!! I need a free write to know that my teacher Christie will never see this. I don't know why I decided to take Honors English at BYU. My only hope is that God wasn't joking when He said weak things can be made strong. One day--when I'll probably be out of college, my dreams of writing well come true. Other than that, I had a great day, but I didn't go running. But I did search, ponder, and pray, SMILE, and blogged. :)

ERRRRRRR!!! (for the rest of the night)

peace

I saw the hand of the Lord today as I found answers I needed to hear. I was pretty down about some things and didn't really get to talk it out with anyone. So I went to my scriptures and found much comfort in Philippians 4:6-7. I love the description of peace "which passeth all understanding". I know that I shouldn't worry and John reminded me that the best remedy when worrying is to WORK (thanks to pres. hinckley). The peace is what I need to focus on (being eternally minded) like the peace I feel in the temple. Everything worldly becomes void and it's just you and your eternal salvation. With a deep overcoming sense of hope--peace. I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who hears my prayers and answers them through the teachings of the Holy Ghost within scripture, or words of wisdom from my brother, or a lesson and song in Relief Society, and of course, hearing an Apostle of the Lord speak in person at a CES fireside. I know who I am and who loves me. I'm grateful for the hand of the Lord which I see so very often in my life.

720 Days :: Salutatorian Speech

Class of 2009, family, and friends—We each have our own story why graduation tonight is special. I don’t know everyone’s story and I don’t have the time to tell you everyone’s story. But I do however have the time to tell you mine.

Four years ago I had never heard of Peach County High School. In fact, I had no idea that Peach County was a place that grew peaches or that PCHS was the best high school in the county. Washington State had been the only home that I had ever known and I wanted to keep it that way. I loved my friends and my school where I felt secure and content. My older brothers had attended the local high school that I would have attended and had left a good name for me. I thoroughly expected and desired to participate in all of the activities that I had looked forward to. You can imagine the heart break and fear that slapped me in the face when reality finally hit that my family was moving. And not just moving to a different part of the city, but clear across the country- to a different climate and culture! I was terrified-- imagining my high school years to be pure torture.

Keri Russell said, “Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.” Moving made my life turn upside down and around. But my small decision to make the best of it changed my high school years.

And now after four years, 720 days, thirty-two classes and 5,040 hours; after sport and band after-school and summer practices, code blue’s; after tennis, basketball, soccer, football, cross country, and baseball state play offs; after teacher’s who have left before us and those who are leaving with us, after senior vs. faculty basketball games and powder-puff games, after the filming of the movie The Crazies; after two back-to-back football state championships and at least for me, even after--oh wait, sorry dad, I didn’t tell you, but when gas prices were the highest at $4.00 a gallon, I accidentally left the car running in the student parking lot for most of the school day, even after all of this--the good, the bad, and the embarrassing--and because of these 2009 high school graduates who sit behind me, I can honestly say with all of my heart that there is absolutely no place that I would rather be then standing right here tonight-- with this cap and this gown on Anderson Field of Peach County High School in Fort Valley, Georgia. It is because of you, 2009 graduates. You see, my high school years have become much more than I could have ever imagined. Peach County has changed me for the better. I have loved these last four years.

To my fellow graduates:

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Thank you class of 2009! May God bless each and every one of you as you finish your own story

blossoms amidst the snow

9:43am--I opened my eyes and FREAKED out. I had a one-on-one conference with my English teacher that I really needed to be at in two minutes. I was delusional. Throwing on pants and putting my contacts in I ran to Emily's and knocked on here apartment, hoping Alex would be able to drop me off because I had absolutely no time. Running or riding my bike was out of the question. I knocked and knocked. It was really cold. Finally, Emily opened the door and ran straight back to bed. Alex was in the shower. I had to coax Emily out of bed begging with a voice that I thought could start crying with stress. My bed hair wasn't too bad, but my face was so bland with no makeup on whatsoever. Emily took Alex's keys and we headed to the JKB building.

I thought I knew where my teachers office was but I found out I didn't after I kept running around the fourth floor. My conference was suppose to end at 10 and I had five minutes to find my teacher. Finally, I found her. Breathing heavily and with as much forgiveness I could muster I explained everything and let her take over. We rescheduled, and I got my paper. As I walked downstairs and past my locker I heard a teacher mention that it was SNOWING!! He made some comment about how people from Nevada and California better watch out. I realized that I didn't have a coat and I was wearing flip flops. It was going to be a long cold walk home in the first snowfall of the semester. That's when I began crying.

I really haven't cried in at least several months, maybe a year. I mean a real cry. You know, the ones that girls have to release all their emotions when life may become difficult. I was just so disappointed in myself--about sleeping in. I never ever have slept through a class and of all days to be a class where it was just ME and the TEACHER! I really hope Christie doesn't dock my grade. I was also really disappointed because I didn't think I stayed up to late last night. I even read my scriptures and wrote in my journal for the first time in ages! What a blessing--I knew i needed to pray but I couldn't muster any thanks. I was mad. Finally, I said that I was grateful for the clothes that I did have on even if they were thin. Oh, and my fingers were turning a stiff red.

I suddenly got really homesick for my dad. I love him. He has this surprisingly amazing way about him when I am stressed. His, "Everything's going to be alright, puddinghead. You just stop crying now" with his strong southern drawl makes me feel immediate comfort. When I can't keep control of my emotions I want to hear him. He alway's says the wrong things and with that, it makes me happy. He would have told me about the doe he killed last night and how he skinned it. It would have calmed me down. So I left a message on his cell with tears in my voice (i didn't mean for that to happen either).

When I finally got to Wyview, I walked straight to Emily's apartment (the 3rd best person after my dad since john was at work). I walked straight into her room and layed on my stomach and tried to stop crying. But for some reason the heaven's opened and I was a flood of tears. Alex came over and rubbed my back forever and we were all silent until I was ready to start talking. I love Alex and Emily. They knew exactly what to do and were the reason my day turned out great. Emily came on the bed with me after that and said that I got the worst part of the day over with. I was determined to make sure she was right. We ate breakfast and watched an amazing forum from someone who has made a difference in his life. At one point he mentioned stories about kids who have made a difference in their life by saving up money to support other children around the world who need things. They were great stories and touching because he had a picture of them and knew their name and personal story. My dad called and left a message.

Before my BOM class, I got the chance to play the piano in the Wyview building. It was the first time I have been able to let my fingers run across the keys since I have been gone from home. I am so grateful for my musical ability to play the piano. I played hymns and then some of my favorite piano pieces. Although I was rusty, music was still able to change me. Allowing me to focus on making something beautiful (not perfect) does something to me. It's difficult to explain. I said a prayer and felt wonderful. Then I went to my favorite class (BOM) and learned wonderful insightful things. I thought I should write it down in case I need to tell myself this in a few years or my future husband.

My teacher told a story about someone who talked to an apostle about his future career. E. Widstoe told this man that if he didn't know happiness in his career then he wouldn't know happiness at all. That's how important it is to find the right career. He said that you can find the correct career if you meet all of these qualifications:

1)Find something you are GOOD at
2)Find something that you LOVE
3)Find something that the world NEEDS

Band was freezing and my day pretty much was summed up after that. I did some family history indexing and fell asleep watching Anne of Green Gables. I know that although I started out on a rough day in the snow, i still was able to see some spring blossoms. I felt the love of my Savior when I prayed about working harder at becoming closer to Christ. I know that everything I have been given (my home, education, friends, family, testimony, faith, and talents) has been through and because of Jesus Christ. How blessed I am to have the Atonement to have the desires to want to serve my Father in Heaven and become a better daughter. To repent of my imperfect behavior and have chances over again to grow. I am grateful for the love I feel. I'll go where you want me to go dear Lord, because I need thee every hour. Come what may and love it!

Journal Writing

So I am officially at BYU and loving every minute of it. I have so much I need to write, catch up on my life and share. On Sunday during our building meeting my RA Mikayla talked about our habits and goals. Katie and I both decided to make goals for the week, month, and on a daily basis. Guess what our daily basis goal is? WRITING IN OUR JOURNALS!! I was pretty excited.... :)

I feel so blessed to be at BYU. I just can not get over how much I have worked and waited to be here and to enjoy every minute of it. I think a lot of my experiences have been hugely impacted by heavenly design. Let me explain:

1)FAMILY: It has been way to long since i have been around family members. I recently realized that it has officially been 6 years since jim and john and i have lived together for longer than two weeks (a typical trip home for christmas). It's been wonderful to be with them. It really just opens my eyes to how blessed i truly am to have them in my life. I consider my amazing brothers a gift from God and would never take them back. I'll never forget jim taking me out to eat lunch and dinner in nearby parks. Or seeing john's smiling face at ME (of all people, i would never suspect that he would be as happy to see me as i am to see him). He's not embarrassed to be with me and in fact we try to study together as often as we can. My brothers' kindness, thoughtfulness, and integrity astound me. I have always wanted to be like them and see exactly how they act in every situation. This short time with both of them has been cherished. Tomorrow jim leaves for Georgia to start his military training and career. Alex and I rode our bikes over to the boys' place to visit and say bye. I LOVE THEM.

2)FRIENDS: I have a very loving Heavenly Father. I know that He knows how much I need and love great friends. Every time I needed a friend I would pray and always always get one of the most perfect people for me. Emily and Megan are two of my dearest friends that I have ever had. And I prayed to have them so much. But besides them I have truly gotten to know some great people.who have came into my life. I know they are a blessing from God.

3)MARCHING BAND: BYU Cougar Marching Band is AMAZING!! I love to be with them and in them. I love our director and music and the people in the band. I feel like I have been blessed with the ability to love music and to have the talent to be in the band. Because of this, I was accepted into the band. What wonderful experiences have come from it too--I know that I needed to have this experience to get to know the people I do know and to love music at a greater level.

Hacking

Becky left her gmail account open, so I (Emily) can get into her blog. You can delete this as soon as you see it :)

BLINK

There's this country song that talks about a BLINK and then the next thing you know the time's come and gone. I feel like that. It'll be just a few more days before I leave for college for the first time. I'm excited, scared, nervous, thoughtful, and going to miss home. I really feel like my life has gone by like a blink of an eye. I'm the same little girl--4 or 5 years old. Just a little bit more mature with a few extra memories... where has the time gone?

This is why I need to blog. A LOT. Express all my memories from high school, this summer, and the past. I love life so much, that honestly, i don't want to forget hardly ANY of it. So many wonderful people have touched my life, who i love. So many BOYS!!! Silly me. Wonderful lessons I have learned and want to remember! Oh, so much to do. And here I am, at 1:05 AM. Tomorrow's my last day at work for the summer. I'm really going to miss the USDA. The sun shining through Pecan Orchards. The dust from the dirt road when we drive fast on an ATV or Mule (heavy-duty golf cart). I'll miss the men. My old-men (the 50-year olds) Uncle Jim and Brother Kirby. Papa Bruce.... (my previous Stake-President and guess what? He's the scientist of the Year for South Eastern US. Get's to meet Obama... gee wiz!!). And my young-men. (just the young married-20 year olds). Cuz's Rusty, Wade and Tucker (whose not LDS). What wonderful jokes, talks, and adventures we have! Oh, i know i'll miss the peaches and afternoon ice cream runs during our breaks in the green house. I really have been blessed!!

Living for the Gospel

Friday night I went to the movies. I did not like the movie I saw. In fact, it made me feel so uncomfortable because of the intensity, music, and literally aliens. I thought about walking out. But I didn't. Last summer I went and saw this Batman movie with a lot of John's returned missionary friends and other LDS friends from UP. It was so much fun. Ben, Bryce, Christian, Kory, Eric, Jordan. All of these great girls and boys who I looked up to and was excited to "be with them". The good, cool kids. The movie was intense, with way too many deaths and killings. I hated it. Detested it. I wanted to walk out so many times. But I didn't. I didn't have the courage. I was worried about what my peers would think about me. I regret not having the courage to do what I know is right. To have the will power to walk out if need be from a movie, or to stop snacking and eating, or just to say no.

Saturday we had a tri-stake handcart trek. I enjoyed myself. The biggest difference I found from this trek and the trek that I did a couple of years ago was that I become the ma this time. They had 27 handcarts and put a priest and laurel together as the ma and pa. I all of a sudden was married to a cute guy from the Albany Stake and had teenage children that were beehives, mia maids, deacons, and teachers. My husband was a hard worker and fun to be with. He definitely was the black sheep of our family though. :) He even skipped testimony meeting. I hope for the best, that he is able to go on a mission and get his priorities strait. Nevertheless I had a blast being his wife. I made him put a band aid on when he got cut crossing the streams and gave him an earful to listen to. Our four children were sweet. I always felt for them and was constantly checking up on how they were doing, finding where they were, and praying for them. They were good hard little workers. The trek was short. We hiked 8 miles and it was a work out. I didn't feel like I learned anything though.

Today in Sacrament Meeting these two experiences finally came together. I felt the whisperings of the Spirit enlighten me with feelings and thoughts as I pondered about my direction in life. Several comments brought on this knowledge. I want to share with you and myself exactly what I learned.

Yesterday during our trek testimony meeting, Amber Warnock bore her testimony and mentioned that the pioneers trial may have been having the faith, courage, and strength to physically stand up for what's right in trekking to the west to Zion, to the temple. Many saints sacrificed so much so that they could make it to the temple. To receive the blessings that awaited their families and themselves. But Amber said that we have other challenges and we have to stand for what's right with courage. What do we give to make it to the temple? We are sent to this Earth at this time for a reason.

Her thoughts really got me thinking. I think I could and would walk across states to go to the temple. My Washington 3day trek that I did really taught me this. It was so difficult at the last part of the first day when we had walked 10+ miles and were aching. There was no hills, it was straight vertical up the mountain!! It was hard and dark. Every part of my body ached and tears came from the side of my eyes. All I remember is praying and singing. It made me ask why? Why was I still walking? Why would I walk if I was a pioneer. Then it hit me. I was walking, taking one step after another because of my testimony. I had a testimony and was making my way a little closer to God, to Zion. So maybe I could have lived with the pioneers and made it. But I wasn't born then. I was born now. Because at this time, is when I would grow the most, learn the most. I don't have to physically walk to show my faith and testimony. But I do have to show it.

Alexa, a friend from Albany Stake, and I were later talking about the Gospel. I made the comment that really hit home for both of us. Are we living in the Gospel, or are we living for the Gospel?

I enjoyed the trek yesterday because I was a 'ma'. It made me think just how badly I wanted to be a mother. I love my children. I know I don't know them yet, but I do. I want so badly to be prepared as a daughter of God to raise them. So how can I teach my children how to be steadfast and immovable, an example of the believers, if I can't even do it? If I can not walk out of a movie, or say no to things?? I want them to have the strength, their own testimony. I know what I have to do now. And I hope, that when I'm older and reading over these journal-post-entry things I will see that I have changed. That I might be brave, courageous, steadfast and immovable. I know I can through His power. All weak things can be made strong. I want to start living for the gospel. I have the testimony. Now I need to show it. Show him I why I continue to walk the path I do, living for the Gospel.

The Beginning

My first blog. I've been eyeing these blog things for quite some time now. I finally got the courage to make one this weekend. My very own blog. Just for my eyes--for now. I intend to keep it as a journal now that John's home from his mission and I don't email my life away to my family. :) I hope it becomes everything I want it to be and more!!