Full Circle

A couple of weeks ago I went to the bathroom after one of my classes. As I walked to the wall filled with sinks to wash my hands I looked quickly in the mirror and there sitting on the mirror was a little square sticky note that said something sweet and personal. I felt so loved! I'm sure many people saw the sticky note and went away feeling more hopeful and charitable. I love people and the good they do, the good that they somehow eminate for me to become better. I hope I can share that one day, full circle.

Oh Boy Did I Luck Out!!! A Night With BYU's Cecil :)

Suite 15 is where it is at!!!! Tonight I went to the BYU mens basketball game at the Jazz's Energy Arena in Salt Lake (against Arizona). John lucked out with 2 special tickets, and after asking several girls and being denied, John decided to take me since I'm always back up. :) Suite 15 just happened to be President Cecil O. Samuelson's suite. For those of you who don't know him, you should. He's the President of BYU and in the Quorum of the 70. With BYU having 30,000 students, it's not very likely that many people get to personally meet the President and especially watch a basketball game with him and his wife. It was so much fun! The suite had delicious food, a cute bar with tables, flat screen tv, 3 rows of seats, a personal bathroom, and random waiters to check on us. With only us, Pres.& Sis. Samuelson and their granddaughter, there was also the Vice President of Athletics (another Q of 70 member) whose wife knows John and was the one who offered the tickets with his wife and daughter also there. I definitely had a wonderful evening with President Cecil O. Samuelson :) I promise I'm not that much of a creeper, but here are some highlights:

-When pulling into the parking garage in salt lake, we let a car in the opposite left lane cut in front of us and then when we pulled in to pay at the booth the guy told us that the car in front of us had payed for our parking!!! So nice, especially at Christmas!

-Shaking President and Sis. Samuelson's hand, visiting with them.

-When Sis. Samuelson leaned over to talk to the other lady and Pres. Samuelson said, "Sharon, watch the game!"

-Hearing Pres. Samuelson talk to all the players quietly under his breath, "Oh jackson!" or "Left, Right, Left, Right, Left, Right."

-Sis. Samuelson turning around and always saying, "Wait, what just happened?"

-During halftime, when Pres. Samuelson got a personal text showing that Noah Hartsock received a minor concussion and 6 stitches to the upper lip when hit during the first 10 minutes of the game.

-Having special sporting officials checking up on us during the game:)

-After the game, walking through a beautiful Barnes&Noble and reading random books while awaiting traffic to die down. I will always dream of having a beautiful library of gorgeous books one day!

-P.S. Did I mention BYU won?

Soft Cries and Hard Cries

One day, I'll get married and have a family and be able to have a normal blog like all those family blogs that I love to stalk. But for now, this is me and my very personal-all-about-me-posts....

Its true. Of all girls, I promise it's healthy when appropriate. I began having regular soft cries when I turned 18 and entered Relief Society (so stereotypical i know). They come and go on good Sundays, which happens more regularly then not. Hard cries don't occur nearly as much. N.E.A.R.L.Y. I'm pretty sure the last hard, hard cry I had was Christmas 2009. Anyways, recently I blogged about some things that I learned and then kinda forgot about it (typical human being) and now I think I know why I learned what I did because other experiences came and then the epiphany which really hit me hard, right in the square of the eyes:

Seven days ago, I did the unthinkable (in my book). I let my anger flow out. Not trickle. Flow like a river, a dam, THE NIAGRA FALLS! Over a silly issue that at the time meant a lot to me. I was so furious at myself and furious at being furious (especially at the start of the week of THANKSgving) that I thought a lot of bad thoughts about myself, said a few, and even emailed them to my mom...haha...so pitiful, i know.) I finally shed some tears. Went to bed. Woke up late past my alarm sick, missed a very important-hated-class, looked out the window and seeing the snow shed more tears.

Somehow I ended up in the office of my therapist Evan (he's actually my boss.....AND a wonderful therapist). He takes good care of his employee's and knowing my lack of/hard-cry-phobia, he sat me down and does what he always does: question.after.question.after.question???????? which is why he is such an effective teacher.

By the end of the conversation and a trip to get some chocolate (which i had/got to share with everyone) I was feeling so great! Evan somehow helps us [my fellow co-workers/evan's other employees] get into a position where the Spirit is so welcome to teach you when you're in your most raw, most broken state possible. At the very end of our conversation he always asks,

"So Beckles?? What Did You Learn?"

1. I'm what you call an avoider. I avoid questions when I want too. And I'm pretty decent at it. I do have problems, but I mask them and push them out of my mind. But when life sucks and I have a hard cry, I unmask everything and pull every little thing possible out of the drawer and hash it out on myself=very.unhealthy.hard.hard.cry=becky.loses.the.spirit.=becky.wants.to.die.bc.she.then.feels.so.lonely.

2. You make things what you want them to be. E.g. It doesn't matter if I broke the shovel and keep blaming, blaming, blaming myself....you still have a broken shovel. (This lesson learned probably doesn't make that much sense to the normal person, i'm not normal...but i completely understand what i'm trying to say).

3. There's conflict between my thoughts and my heart. I know my parents love is unconditional, but for some awful reason i let my heart believe that its only performist-based depending on how i look, act. True story, although; I still do good things for other right reasons (this particular reason is just screwed).

4. Sometimes I believe that I'll only be judged by my works alone. I forget that I'll be judged by my "intents of my heart and works" and then I may be sufficient enough for God's grace.

5. Bottom line-I have always used the Atonement for big things, but not the small. Which is what everything leads down too. I have some emnity going on, separating me from God. I wanted to take care of the small things, I feel like I need too, and I always fail at the small things. And then I push them out (see #1). And then the cycle officially has started (see #1-#5). but no more...

you cannot be moved within and stand still without

Isn't this crazy? Who knew I could learn all this from seven days ago. Seven days ago when I realized that I would get my first C ever in a class.

Why Is The English Language So Weird??

Hole
–noun
an opening through something; gap; aperture: a hole in the roof; a hole in my sock.

Whole

–adjective

undivided; in one piece: to swallow a thing whole.

Primary Program....I Am His Daughter

Yesterday I had the opportunity to go and visit and watch my friend Michael give his talk at his Sacrament Primary Program. He's 4 1/2 and read his talk beautifully (right now he's at a 3rd grade reading level). He was so short, you couldn't even see his head over the podium. But I was able to fill the Spirit as He talked about how much He knows the Savior loves him.

I loved watching Michael's primary, the sweet tender faces as they sang, squirmed, and testified of the Savior:)

Some best friends interested me to this song and I am in love! I think its my theme song in life RIGHT NOW. I Am His Daughter.

When I Realize All 6 Of Us Are Home For Apartment Prayer I Just Get So Happy!!!

His Hands And Feet

DISCLAIMER: This picture is above my bed. And above our piano in our living room in my apartment. I decided around Augest that my fall semester theme was going to include Jesus Christ somehow, someway. I went through several experiences that led me to want to know Christ better. A whole lot better. So I began to pray specifically for this occasionally, read the New Testament, think more....and BAM!!!!

Sometimes I am amazed by what I learn. Not necessarily taught by someone, but things that the Spirit just ends up making me feel and that get those mind juices flowing and I guess what I'm suppose to learn at a specific time. I'm going to share one of these mind processes that happen as I daydream, think, question and find answers... (I'm trying to be better at writing this stuff down...hope you don't mind reading).

I began thinking earlier about what will happen when I die. I know that when that time comes, I'll eventually go to meet the Savior Jesus the Christ, The Redeemer of the World and of Mankind, The Light of the World, The Anointed One and all the other countless titles He is referred too. Reverently and with the deepest respect tinged with awe--I hope to be able to walk humbly, but with confidence towards Him.

You know, what will I do then? Will I get a chance to hold His hands in mine?? To watch my tears splash His hands as I realize who He is? I wondered today what I will do when I see the holes in his hands and feet. Those scars. Those small stripes of the purest of white skin that make up a scar; will I realize that I am a part of Him? That I, Rebecca Rhoden am literally engraved into His image like Isaiah says? Physically and Spiritually! Because of the Atonement He knows me. He knows what I have felt when I have sorrowed, sinned, or been sick. Isaiah says that "with his stripes we are healed." He knows how to teach me, comfort me, and love me. I think I'm barely beginning to understand. I am a part of who He is!! On an extremely minute level, and with his stripes, there's proof that I can be healed because He knows me. What a thought!?

It will always be me who separates myself away from Him for He cannot nor ever will be able to separate Himself from me! He's bound by spiritual Law for He knows me through and through. He can never leave me. He will never forsake me. He suffered everything there is to go through both the good and the bad and has 4 visible reminders on His hands and feet. He has taken my image upon Himself and somehow already refined and added it into His perfect being.

He needs to be in my image and countenance just as much as I will always be a small part of His. When this happens will I know that I used the Atonement effectively to its fullest potential? Will I then be able to say that I have never forsaken my Savior? That I took His countenance and name upon myself? Will I be able to gradually look into His eyes and have my confidence wax strong as I remember who I am??

Dear Baylee

I've now just known you for a year, 15 months to be exact. I've met your family. Slept in your house. You've met my family. And now we share a room. I love you! And everyday I grow to love you more. Thanks for making me laugh, wiping away my tears, always listening to me, loving me more than just a best friend but as a sister, and learning how to deal with me. I don't think you realize how much I love you and how surprised that you still love me! Thanks for opening my eyes to my weaknesses and first and foremost, dealing with them. I open my mouth to much, say things I shouldn't and do all that junk that you know all to well. You are so beautiful! And will always be a special person in my life. Remember when you were Relief Society President our freshman year? And then remember how you passed the mantle to me? The other day we went through our history and came to the conclusion that our friendship was set up by Heavenly Father. I have grown so much from living with you as a best friend in 3 months then I did all summer!

I love you.

Becky

I Just Failed My First Midterm And Feel Like Death Warmed Over.

failedforthefirsttime.e.v.e.r.

Now I'm in one of those moods that come once every blue moon. I really don't feel like talking about my midterm, just typing about how bad I really do feel.

Who knew life could feel like this?

I mean, I try to keep reminding myself that, heck, I'm just going to be a mom for the majority of my life so who cares? My kids sure won't.

Is it because I know how disappointed my immediate family would be? Probably not. I'm probably just extremely irritable because of 1)lack of sleep 2)i just left 20 fill-in-the-answers blank with many other answers filled-in with funny vocabulary words i tried to think of off the top of my head and 3)i know i could have done better, should have, and that IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN EASY

A

IF I WOULD HAVE STUDIED A TEENY-BIT-MORE.

Now I get to deal with me for the rest of the day. The self-absorbed, self-despised, no make-up, hair in a bun, pudgy around the edges, sweat shirt wearing 19 year old that I am. Not sure of what she wants. Extremely disappointed in herself.

Listening to Josh Groban's "You Are Loved--Don't Give Up" for the 100th time as it repeats, repeats,

repeats

repeats.

Rocky Mountain 2010

I love this band. It has changed my life. Rocky Mountain 2010.

11 Things On September 11

1. Last night (earlier this morning really) from 12-12:30 John guarded the flag on campus for memorial of 9 years ago.And this morning I got a call from Jim from Afghanistan<3

2. I have found a new appreciation with talking to my mom on skype. Mainly because I get to see Macey. But I also love watching her face talk:)it's so cute.

3. Started an Ultimate Frisbee tournament with the Band. Go team COSMOSITYYY!!!! Of course we won 11-9.

4. Felt the heart-strings (as a friend would say) get pulled in the temple as I
reflected on baptisms for the dead and the many who have died or lost hope because of war. Thank goodness for repentance, baptism, and resurrection!

5. Watched BYU get slaughtered by Air Force in football. Go figure, we DID play with them on September 11. Which ended up giving me a fabulous 30 minute nap.

6. Realized how humble I should always be as I thought about being an "instrument in the Lord's hands". The only way we are able to do things is because the Lord does build us up, enlighten us, and help us fill our capacity. Since when did we go to a band concert and say, "did you hear that trumpet player?". No, its the whole BAND who sounds good. The trumpet player may have talent, but he's just an instrument to bringing about something much better.

7. Realized I have more weaknesses than I personally am willing to live with and now have daily confessional with my roommate Baylee who patiently listens to every little frustration that I have and listens to how I'm going to try and overcome all these nasty things I dislike.

8. Went to HumorU and died laughing at their highlight stand-up comedy dude Stephen Jones.

9. Wouldn't life be so grand if we just got rid of grades and money? Seriously, I thought I was going to go broke after buying my groceries today. And after writing a paper at 11pm on a Saturday night, I would much rather just not worry about getting a grade, but an education.

10. Accidentally got a bit confused and went to neighboring stakes adult session of conference. Loved it though!

11. FINALLY have a router where I can lie on my bed and B.L.O.G. happy days have come once more.

p.s. 3 weeks into school and have pretty done more than i did all summer: thinking, goal-setting, accomplishing, playing, crying, etc. etc.

Farewell USDA! You've Treated Me Well.

Working for the United States Department of Agriculture for the last two summers has been the perfect summer job for me. Seriously, I lucked out. I love my little Southeastern Agriculture Research Station and have hundreds of memories from working full time in those humid and peach-filled orchards. I love the people I work with and all the adventures we undertook. These are a few pictures that one of the workers took and I stole from off of his Facebook. One of the coolest things about our pecan orchards is how long they've been around. Probably one of the top things I love about Georgia is a nicely kept up pecan orchard. Its majestic. And old. An orchard with nice, big trees in it has probably been around for 100 years. Way back when, before the government bought our station, these orchards were originally on a plantation. A legit, southern plantation. So in our spare time from doing our daily experiments with the scientists or eating countless, delicious fruit; us biological-aids go and make new paths in the woods and visit/find cool new things, like the slave graves someone came across a few years back. There's a TON of wildlife around this place too. I feel like I live on a farm during my work day when I see a tractor roll around. Another thing I love about Georgia would be the wickedly-awesome thunderstorms that come and go every few days. I mean, I grew up in Washington, but a Georgia thunderstorm can ALWAYS outdo some Washington sprinkling-mist. Oh, and on a side note: everyday at 12, we play volleyball at lunch!!! I mean, come on, who can beat playing volleyball on your lunch with a bunch of scientists??? Anywho, I could go on and on with picture captions which would indirectly lead to a whole host of memories that would only really make me laugh, smile, or cry. So just check out these awesome wildlife photos and take a piece of my beloved summer job.

mi chicos

are coming tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jim's been in afghanistan. john in cambodia. im perrrrtttyyyyyyyyy exciteddddddddddddddd!

Sadly, I Am Very Attached to This Building.

Library commercials are always the best. The first video is a HBLL commercial that mimics The Old Spice Commercials from Super Bowls (the 2nd video). Oh, how I love BYU:)

I, Am a Registered Voter.

And I voted for the first time ever today. Its Tuesday and our Georgia Primaries. Check out my sticker I got. Nervous and excited i was, for all my life I have listened and listened to a very political family discuss very political things. As much as I tried to drown their voices out, I always followed what was up in our local and national governments and began to get that "Rhoden" desire to do your country a service by voting. I went to the Byron City Hall, ran into a few old townsfolk I recognized (I love living in a small town) went to the cool little computer and bypassed a bunch of random names of people I don't know anything about (I'm determined not to vote ignorantly). Then I found the one name I was looking for, Mike Keown. His name is outside on the lawn. When my Dad and I take Macey on walks, he takes a handful of magnets/brochures/posters of this gentleman and walks up to any neighbors he might see (or not see)and gives them a shpill of what this man's views. Because of listening to the same lecture and reading all the left over info from my Dad, I felt like it would be wise to cast my vote and make a difference in Georgia.

I Think I Lost My Marbles....

or my cell phone




again

Letters Written After Weeks of Nursery

Dear Darling Little Girl in the Plaid Dress,
You are so tiny and softspoken, I'm sorry when the big 2 1/2 year old boys come and take your toys. I'll never forget listening to your sweet little voice sing and watching you dance during music time.

Yours Truly,
Becky Rhoden


Dear Boy Who Shakes His Fists When Screaming At The Top of Your Lungs,
You are what my dad would call a biggin'. Chillax kiddo. I know you love your parents and want to be with them ALL the time, but give them a break. You climbed into my lap once and fell asleep. What wondeful peace we all had that Sunday. Go knock down some towers, you're good at that. I'm glad you stopped that biting habit.

Sincerely,
Becky Rhoden


Dear Girl With the Same Hair-do Every Week,
I love watching you play house. You go to the play kitchen, open the microwave, stick something inside and "hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" and then you say "beep beep" and get out whatever you just cooked. DO you realize that you're only 2? AND you have more motherly instinct in the kitchen than I do?? I admire you!

xoxo,
Becky Rhoden


Dear Blond, Happy, Dimple Newbie,
Everyone knows we favor each other. You're just too darn cute. And I like those parents you come from. You're always the first to give your toy away when someone's unhappy. AND you LOVE nursery with a passion. You're such a cute, good boy. Never change.

Love,
Becky Rhoden


Dear Smartest Kid in Nursery with Messy Hair,
I've figured you out! You may be small, but you are SOOOO smart! Keep manipulating the other adults. You ROCK!!

Regards,
Becky Rhoden


Dear Oldest Girl in Nursery,
You have quite the spunk. I like you! Everything you do reminds me of myself at 3. You can manipulate and try and play the system by getting what you want. You also like to be in control of your sister. But I love, love, love your tender sweet moments when you find your younger sister and make her smile or show her how a toy works. Or, when you find the newest little boy and make sure he's always included in the fun. You're a born leader. You convinced every kid today to climb under the table and 'hide'. Kodak moment!! I'll miss you!

Best,
Becky Rhoden


Dear Nursery Class,
All of you are special. Thanks for keeping me away from Sunday School and Relief Society this summer. I don't want to go back to a college ward where its much to quiet. My earliest memory is from nursery singing that Alligator song. We sing it every Sunday. I'll miss you.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO,
Becky Rhoden

Why can't I just receive speeding tickets or get into fender benders??

RIP BIG RED :'(

7:45am - Intersection on Highway 41/White Road. Green light. Heading through intersection. White Honda Accord. CrAsH, BaNg, CoLLiDe!!!

7:46am - Climb out, body shaking. Assist old lady in White Honda Accord. Call her husband. 100% in control.

7:47am - Bystander arrives and asks me one question. Only asking me. "Are YOU alright?" Tears. Find dad's bullets ALL over cab. Immediately freak and think that i'll get arrested when cops come. Stuffing all bullets into my purse before anyone shows up.

7:50am - Fireman arrive. See Kelsey pulled over on the road walking towards me. In her arms, bawling.

8:15am - Talk to cop. See mom. More tears. Watch old lady get put on stretcher. More tears.

8:30am - Watch big red get taken away.

10:30am - Realization hits that I'm a danger to society and my future family. Vow to move to Pennsylvania and only drive horse/buggy for the rest of my life with the Amish.

top ten memories from my wonderful weekend celebrating 7.4.10.

1. Spontaneous trip to visit amazing-beautiful-MMSYO flautist-friends at USF, University of South Florida.

2. Wonderful pictures of the beach that won't load where i swam, played soccer, ultimate, built sand-castles with 9 year-old friend from minnesota.

3. Chilling with native Puerto Ricans and eating amazing food!

4. Of course, having yet ANOTHER becky-stupid-irresponsible-car moment [killing car battery]

5. Pillow talk.

6. Drinking Coke [which i NEVER, EVER, EVER DO]

7. Celebrating bdays:)which includes: good food, movie hopping

8. Bearing a patriotic testimony in random ward in Sacrament Meeting AND getting blessed by a Priest at Catholic Mass.

9. Sparklers in the hot tub!!!

10. AMAZING QUOTES; all said with good intentions. i promise. multiple meanings.
"I read the entire Bible when I was younger..............because I was bored."
"There's a flat tire on the mellons!"
"Do you not feel me? Do you not feeeeeeeeeeeeeel me?"
"My dad wants to marry me."
"She wet my bed."
"Oh, I'll be scared..........and giddy."
"So all you can do is hug, kiss, and hold hands?".....new person, "Well, what else is there?"

F A I L U R E

thursday tidbits

* "you're a girl. so do you wear dora pull-ups?" spencer asked me when I was getting him into his diego pull-ups while babysitting earlier this week. he originally wanted to wear dora, but his mom told him they were only girl pull-ups.

*one of my new two-liners came from our saturday night session from stake conference last week. while watching the movie Emma with my mom, i heard the similar saying last night: "its our imperfections that make us perfect for each other". or "we can be fully aware that we are imperfect people, but that's what makes us perfect for each other." i have come to hope and realize that i want to marry someone who is different from me. very different. it'll make life all the more fun. and entertaining. and aggravating. just the way i like my life.

*i was at the eye doctor for an appointment on tuesday-minding my own business, sitting by myself-with my eyes glued in a book and this random middle-aged guy began talking to me all the way across the waiting room. everyone was eavesdropping. he told me i had pretty eyes. and then kept talking to me. all the way from the other side of the room. weird. i felt awkward.

*i just realized that one day, i'll fall in love for the last time. i'm tired of the saying "your first love." to my "last love" i hope he has great music tastes because i'm stoked to share an itunes account.

sharing a talent

I have been so grateful for my love, passion, and talent of music. This year i have had the opportunity to play my flute in church for more than just the usual easter/christmas sundays. I have always enjoyed sharing my talent with others, especially when it can be in a form of worship. Accompaniment is much easier to play, you never really have to worry about moving your fast little fingers in a more performance/showy manner. Its all about some tone and vibratto and maybe a few runs and Walllaaaa!!! It sounds gorgeous.

I love my flute, a gift from my parents that cost an arm and a leg. It's truly a miracle that my flute has been able to forgo my destructive habits to many of my possessions. It was a very tough decision to decide not to take the road and major in music at BYU. I was so close, already working on my pieces for the audition by my junior year in high school. I'll always be able to use my piano abilities in life, but i'm grateful for these sweet opportunities to play my flute.

In April I played for my Stake Conference at BYU. The choir sang one of my all-time favorites, Come Thou Fount by Mack Wilberg. I thought it was going great and sounded beautiful at rehearsal until the sound lady at the De Jong Concert Hall (where we have stake conference) came and miked me up to be heard even more:)it was so great to play my little heart and testimony out to a thousand plus of my peers and to two general authorities. I was shocked at how many people thanked me. I knew it was because they felt the Spirit by the beauty of the music. Its a special feeling knowing you were a part of that.

Then at the end of April I was visiting with Bales in Southern California for the weekend. Her dad's the Bishop and she warned me of his heavy sarcasm. So, I dished it right back at him. He found out I had played in Stake Conference and joked about me playing in church that Sunday. I told him to put me on the program. And he did. I had a fun time playing for a congregation of random strangers. Her ward is really really really small. I doubt they have the opportunity to have special musical numbers with instruments very often. I was touched to know that one inactive sister who happened to come that Sunday had a special connection with the hymn i played. Once again, I was surprised by the warm fuzzy feeling I received as persona after person came and gave me a hug or shook my hand.

Once again today I had the opportunity to play in Stake Conference (this time in Georgia). Music may just be my greatest passion and love on this Earth-save only my love for children and the longing i have to be a mother.) Music has always touched me. Whats touched me even more is watching my prayers be answered, that I may be an instrument in the Lord's hands to touch others with his Spirit.

BIG RED

i get attached to things, people, places. you enter my life and give me something i need and BAM, you're in my heart. friends, beautiful sunsets, mountains, family members or whether its my baby blanket, bed, sheets, dog, or my all-time favorite truck we've ever owned: BIG RED.



I forgot how much i love this 1991 ford 150. cab bucket seats. sticky gear shift. broken clock/radio thing-i never can tell what the time is or what station im listening too. its the first car i drove (at 13in the church parking lot). i love the radio. and how many times i have left the lights on and killed the battery. or how i can do so many cool magic tricks with it;)

i was admiring big red before i began mowing the lawn. i don't detest this, but i have issues. oh the things we do for love (like mowing the lawn for our fathers)

if you don't get the drift, here's a better picture with more grass in that will be cut shortly, after my quick water break:)

entertainment of the day

I've watched this way too much. I love it. Makes me miss every BYU dance I have ever been too:(. You'll probably want to pause that annoying music at the bottom of my blog to listen to this...its grand:)

Blahging

It's distressing when you mean to do something and it never gets done. Like cleaning my bathroom. Or blogging. Unfortunately, I have yet again misplaced my (3rd) USB junk drive. This time, it's not somewhere in the BYU library or in the Wilk's Lost and Found. It has to be in my house. On this little black plastic thing is some photos that I have been meaning to put on this blog. So since many of these posts have yet to be published, my draft inbox has been steadily increasing.

I like blogs. I really do. Although I am quite the blog stalker. But then again, I am a stalker (big surprise to my friends). I'm always just happening on cool things whether it be through Facebook or blogs or websites about people that I know. Usually people I like, or who my brothers might like. Because of this trait, I tend to have to be careful what I tell people about what I know about them. But, they did put it on the web, so its all legal right? Wouldn't want to freak them out.

I do have some aversions to blogs though. Yes, they are time-consuming. Yes, some blogs have the "all about me syndrome" [like mine ):] and Yes, they take away from people face-to-face communication. But I learn from my friends blogs. I like people. And you don't get the good stuff sometimes just by having a conversation.



Also, I have thoughts that I prefer to keep. Memories that I want to hold onto. Cool music and videos that I might like-and get tired of. I use to keep this blog completely to myself and finally gave in and allowed very few friends to who might be so bored they might actually reaed what runs through a single 19 year-old's brain (which is why i have YET to receive my first comment from a post!) One friend said she was tired of having her "journal-of-thoughts" mumbled and jumbled in her brain. I can relate. Sometimes i get so caught up on categorizing an amazing idea or thought, that I never write it down; and then poof! it disappears. This is my type of journaling, my scrapbooking, my semi-organized scattered brain.

It's what I'm thinking of on a Saturday morning as I look for my USB port and lament for those (temporary) lost photos and many posts in my draft box; and, of course before I go swim with my 3 year old neighbor Spencer:)

a country that i love

my eldest brother is in afghanistan. wow. I LOVE HIM. come monday and he'll be there for an entire week. one week down...51 to go. i love that my brothers are patriotic and serve this country. honestly, i have never felt the need myself to join the services, but i feel i can do a lot by being supportive. i think i might be taking jim's deployment harder than most in my family (a surprise to me). i don't care how much i hear that he's safe and will be fine (im sure he will), but that doesn't change the fact that i have a brother at war. war, is a scary word. the statistics of him getting hurt or having experiences that no one should have, have dramatically increased. its sad that its not until nowthat i have actually taken the time to want to know everything about this war. its not until now, that i want to read our constitution and declaration of independence (my goal is to read it before july 4). but its the truth. im 19, and should know a bit more about a country that i love.

the GRANDS

going on 58 years!!! mmm, baby. aren't they just...huggable? i absolutely adored staying with them for a week. fun stories are coming! now you know where i get my wonderful eyesight from:)sorry about the glare from their glasses. i learned so much from my grandparents who i don't get to see very often. i grew from their love. and unfortunately got sick while visiting them:(. but i did accomplish a lot! they love each other dearly. this is at the sacremento temple where they worked as temple workers. their example has made me now desire to be a temple worker one day with my old wrinkly husband:)

North Edwards

After my freshman year at BYU i drove with my friend Baylee (i call her Bales) to her home in California. After a wonderful weekend with her family i took Amtrak to Sacramento where I visited my grandparents before i flew home to Georgia. Here are a few photos of our drive to North Edwards:).









I had a fabulous trip home with my Bales. Her family is out of this world amazing:)

pretty flowerDECEPTIONsmelliest tree ever

I only survived the beginnings of Spring in Provo. The sun finally decided to start doing its job correctly and warmed everyone up for a few wonderful days. It was amazing-all of BYU suddenly just APPEARED outside with blankets, Frisbee's, and BBQs. And yet....after a beautiful 4 days of sun....i would wake up, lean over, see the window, and tell Katers that it snowed!! Then the cycle once again start over. Needless to say, spring finally arrived and i was glad to leave Provo! These trees began to flower, they may be pretty but don't be fooled. THEY SMELL HORRIBLE, NASTY, AND GROSS!!! (the best description i could come up with was fish mixed with dead skin). So as Bales and I drove away from Provo, I took a picture of the-smelliest-tree-ever!

A Love Letter from my Great-Grandmother

To my husband:

Today I just want to reminisce on some of the fine things I know about you. I well remember when you first came into my life. I had gone with many different fellows but I think that perhaps I had never thought to serious of getting married. Although I had made up my mind if and when I did marry I wanted to marry a fellow who was LDS and one that was LDS because he believes it was right, not one I had to convert. So when you came along a missionary who was filled with the importance of his mission, well I was satisfied. Then I remember the nice little things you used to do and then you came back to Idaho and I again went out with different fellows, but I remember when you called at Christmas from Salt Lake I believe the calm strength in your voice seemed to settle any doubts I had in my mind and I felt like I could trust my life with you.

We have had our ups and downs but I have always felt you were a strength for the right. I loved you for the way you loved the children each one as they came along as tired as you might feel as you came in from the field. You were never too tired but you could and would hold or tend to the baby or the next to the baby while I finished the meal. I still admire that trait in you as I see Shella or Ramona's little ones go to you. They trust you too.

I admire you for your honesty, in meeting obligations, your willingness to accept your responsibility in paying church dues, tithing and what is asked of you. Your willingness even though it meant sacrifice to send our children on missions and help them as best we could to get an education both in music and school. We also taught them how to work they maybe haven't appreciated to some of these things but I know that back of it all, all the time you were thinking of building character and I am sure as the years pass and their family grows they will appreciate you more and more.

I have loved you for the strength you have been to me in different offices I have held in the Church. You never put anything in the way of me doing the thing that was required of me. How you and Brother Beck would back us up in our Relief Society Bazoar's [gram said a "bazoar" was a sale of some sort to make money for church buildings or church programs] putting the fever in others to participate.

So I could go on and on but I guess I will just say "I love you because you are you" and hope our Heavenly Father will bless you with health to enjoy life for many years yet.

Your loving but not overly affectionate wife.
Effie.

zerin part 2

my latest :)

i call him my studmuffin, he calls me his hotbiscuit. i taught him how to do thumb wars. its been true love ever since:)

today's jam:)

why is the best always saved for last?

Will the best always be saved for last? It seems like everything kinda follows this unspoken rule about life. Just think back to being a child and hearing your parents tell you that you can't have dessert until you've finished everything. I mean, I hear all the time from lots of grown ups that marriage gets better after every year (its mama&poppa watts anniversary). And eternal life is suppose to be the best and its saved for last. I can seriously keep going with these examples. In my case, my favorite memories from EFY would always be from the last couple of days-right when we are about to leave. Which leads me to this blog. Life has really been amazing. I love my freshman year, my ward, and my friends that I have made. I have done so much the last few weeks with friends! Besides being a psycho-study-aholic most of the time, here are a few pictures from one amazing night after our Saturday night Session of Stake Conference:
Spending time with my favorite cousin(and roommate!). :)

watching a movie outside with friends.








Going to Denny's after the Saturday Night session of stake conference with some of my best friends. Where we connected a bunch of straws and had fun with a ginormous communal straw:)no worries mom-none of us had mono...













Ye, my meal was great!! And while I was gone with Bales picking up Mike from work, my wonderful friends decided to put Tabasco sauce ALL over my sandwhich. Fortunately, I didn't notice and ate the whole thing.



Haha...so we had a syrup shot contest with the boys that got pancakes!! Oh how I love Mormons.

At Denny's there is an all-you-can-eat pancake meal. The record before we got to Denny's was only 6 HUGE pankcakes. Some boys decided to take the challenge and beat the record. We were all so proud of them! :) So was the manager, who was very nice and visited our table often to talk:)