She Was Able To Nurture Because She Was There.

My darling visiting teachers came over this evening. It was quite delightful. I LOVE having visiting teachers. Even if I'm not close friends with them or they come on the 2nd to last day of the month--I don't care; I'm just so happy they come! I know most of the time I don't know what to say when the question comes around, "What can we do for you?". And most of the time, your mind goes blank and you tell them "Nothing that I can think of." But there is such a quiet power that's present that they came. That they leave with a pray--praying for me. That they're there to just hear me talk (just saying--sometimes my closest family/friends tune me out when I'm rambling about my day or thoughts I'm having) that it's just so nice to have two girls wanting to hear me talk. Selfish, right? Yeah, I know.

But they asked me a question that got me ready for the spirit of November. They asked me to talk about my Mom. And I sure did talk about her! They were too kind and said that hopefully the words I said about my mother were recorded in heaven and she would be able to hear them some day. But I decided, why wait for her to die and then hear them? She might as well know now how I feel about her. :) After all, Stake Conference today we talked about Motherhood. And she has toiled over me for the last 20 1/2 years starting off in the womb, all the diapers, food, screaming from getting the hair combed, whining, crying, throw up, etc. Motherhood can be quite gross--let's face it.

But oh how I love this sweet woman! I love LOVE love her wrinkles. And her hands. Her skin is so soft. She is so beautiful. Mom got married late, 28 to be exact. I'm so amazed at who she is and has become. I'm 20 and wish I was married! I can't imagine 8 more years waiting, watching everyone else get married, wishing, dreaming, hoping. That would be torture for me. The loneliness itself would probably emotionally kill me. So she lived a pre-married life by doing what I think--are amazing things. Especially knowing how shy and reserved she had been as a young adult (or so she tells me--I'm occasionally skeptical). She served a mission, went back to Europe, graduated with her undergraduate degree, went to LAW SCHOOL, GRADUATED with her doctorate in law , moved away from Provo with no promise of employment or marriage, and started a lonely road of passing the bar after failing it the first time. Then she met Dad. :)

And through out all of that she kept true to her divine heritage to be a Mother. My Mother. And was she a Mother!? She lived in the world, but never of it. I think of so many woman who after the years of education and money would have easily justified that they were too qualified to stay at home and be a homemaker. That they would want to work 40 hours a week and "change the world" and be a mom. But can I say (without offending anyone whose a working mother--I won't judge your personal circumstances) that I am so so so grateful that she never worked. Especially when I was the last child at home for 4 years and was gone from 5:55am-5:00pm because of Seminary, School, and practice? Then with evening activities. I can't express the love and need that I craved as all children do to come home every day and know Mom was around. It was like I needed to know where she was everyday when I got home. It's the countless afternoons, walking through the side door and yelling her name. Or hearing a, "Is that a Beckyboo I hear?". Or seeing what she's busy making in the kitchen. Or heading straight to her room to see what book she's reading and then to promptly tell her EVERY detail about my day (including every talking encounter with certain boys). It's the countless times I forgot my lunch or homework and she would drive the 20 miles to the school and back to get it to me IMMEDIATELY. Or the times I got in an accident that I could call her and she came IMMEDIATELY. She knew her role as a mother. She was able to nurture because she was there. I know I've talked so many times about how much I wish I could have had a sister. But my mom was my best friend (sorry Dad--I know you think parents shouldn't be friends). And even though I didn't always treat her like a friend should, I've never discounted who she was to me. I love her spontaneity. Even if I had homework, she was ALWAYS down to go upstairs and watch a chick-flick. And the fact that she was always considerate to let me get by with a serious lack of chores was fabulous.

Most importantly, I knew she loved God. I can't really explain how many times I have walked into her room to tell her one more thing while Dad snores away on the other side of the bed and I would stumble into her on her knees. Or see her reading her scriptures. It never was a question to whether or not she read her scriptures and said her prayers on her knees everyday. Never. She never pressed me to do those things either.

I hope to be a good mother one day. I know how too, because of my mom. I love you Mom! Always and forever. To infinity and beyond. ;)

AND, any time I complain, she's super pronto at getting things done. I mentioned she never commented on my blog and voila! There's a comment on each post. I told her I wanted a rice bag and she sends it with sweet sticky notes of how to sew it up and a sweet love note. :)

And I LOVE giving her hugs.

I hope to be just like her.

A Nurturer Whose There.