It Seems Summer Passes In 24 Hours

It's late. I should be in bed, but I sat down on the computer for a few minutes and now I've wasted 15 minutes going through emails and blogs. I feel tired. Tonight I felt tired in a way where I'm not as perky. Not the usual-feeling 'me'.  Tired in a "I wish I had more time in a day" to get more things done. Since Spring has started, I haven't exactly been getting to bed before midnight. Thanks to the boyfriend. Definitely not his fault though! Speaking of him, I'm so happy to be dating Matt! What a great kid. Even though I do wish I had more time to spend with him, I think I just want more time in general to enjoy this time of the year (a.k.a. to be out of school and to be able to do other things other than school work).  This first month of spring has just flown by! And I know I've done a lot--but when I'm tired--I never feel like it's enough. No, it's that sometimes I feel like I could've/should've given more. The strivings within to be a better me. That I need to give life a little more of who I am. Put my mark on it. Maybe this is because I'm beginning to feel the homesickness for what I haven't even left yet. In short, I see the end of the tunnel and I'm afraid I won't be able to give it all I want too. Here's my quick summer at a glance; I have one awesome weekend planned at Matt's cabin with friends, 3 back-to-back weeks of awesome-ness EFY (which I  already know I'll ache and miss by the time it's over), my birthday stuck in there somewhere (is it really possible that I can be 21? pshhh, heck no!),   7 awesome weeks in Germany enjoying the country of my heritage (hopefully it'll be a time to fully relax: yoga, watching life through the eyes of toddlers, good books to be read, smells, sights, sounds), 1 awesome and probably last Buchmiller family reunion (a reunion with my extended and immediate family, best friend's family, my dear childhood home, my most cherished childhood memories, and Elder N [which I'm kind've hoping to by-pass on that particular reunion]). And then, it'll be time for school. For some reason, in this moment, I'm kind've terrified. I'm sure this is just sleep talking to me. It's not like I only got 5 1/2 hours of sleep last night! Pitiful that that much sleep can make me appreciate how fast my summer will go by. I want to walk into this summer like someone confident going into battle! No looking back, or forward. Just ready to give it my whole heart! To put in the adventure, the passion, the love, the prayers, the work, and the fun. To make it the greatest. To have the best experiences. To give the Lord opportunities to teach me even more. Simply put, I want to be better--before it's too late and all ends.